Maybe you heard it through the grapevine, maybe not. Online wine shopping is the wave of the future. Think about it.
You can order wine in your bathrobe and slippers. If you’re holed up in a survivalist bunker, no worries, you can still order exclusive blends. If you break a leg and can’t make it to your favorite wine bar, no sweat, you can still get your favorite pinot. With online ordering, wine-thirty is officially any time of the day.
According to a 2016 survey, forty-seven percent of millennial and 61% of Gen X and Boomer respondents would rather drink wine at home than at social gatherings, restaurants, or wineries.
You don’t need to be a brogrammer to figure out the tech, either: it’s just click, ship, and sip. If that isn’t enough, here are 5 reasons why you should have wine shipped directly to your door.
No More Mingling with Wine People
You like wine; and you like people. But let’s face it: you don’t like wine people. They’re either country club folks who behave as if they’ve stepped out of The Preppy Handbook, aging, handlebar-mustached-hipsters who want to debate and deconstruct (their word, not ours) whether wine is better in a box or a can, or Millennials, who instead of doing keg stands and playing beer pong like every lost generation before them, have usurped the wine industry, downing 159.6 million cases of wine in 2015. No, you’d rather quietly relax at home with a bottle of Zinfandel that’s been decanted to your door faster than you can tell that aging hipster that wine coolers, man, are really where it’s at.
So Long Grapes of Wrath
Nose. Legs. Vertical tasting. Sooner or later, all that wine speak fills you with wrath… grapes of wrath, that is. You’re 50 shades of red in the face, not from the wine you’ve been sipping at happy hour but from the snobby wine talk that’s been spilling like grape stomp run-off from the people at the neighboring table, turning your happy hour unhappy and spoiling a decent merlot. With wine orders on autopilot, you can skip happy hour in favor of a little home-tainment.
The Wine Rack is Stocked
What happens when the Saturday night dinner party you planned turns into an after dinner card game, which somehow morphs into one of those impromptu dance parties you used to have in your late 20s. The next thing you know there’s a line of Ubers at the curb dropping off carloads of It Girls and Influencers, 24 hour party people, and the whole thing is kind of Bright Lights, Big City, although you live in the suburbs and have two little kids who are somehow sleeping through the Ibizaean mayhem… long story short, you’re going to need a bigger house, not to mention a well-stocked wine rack. The only thing worse than running out of booze at a party is experiencing the fury of a Kardashian when she loses her cell phone.
No More Natural Wines
When you order wine online and have it delivered to your door, you’re your own sommelier, which means you’ll never have to politely sample natural wine again when it’s forced on you by some advocate of all things artisanal -a “dictator of taste,” the British wine critic Hugh Johnson would say. Yes, some wines are too processed; some wines are out of step with a food culture that emphasizes locality. But that doesn’t mean natural wine tastes good. More often than not it resembles flawed cider or rotten sherry, and there’s that grim burst of acid and vinegar that makes you want to weep. To say nothing of the color, which is hazier than a New England IPA. Having a queue of wine orders gives you power over the wine list, which means you’re no longer a slave to trends.
So you don’t have one of those wine country patios and fire pits that you always see in the movies, the ones that are perpetually bathed in soft-focus 1970s sunshine, but you do have a picnic table, a couple of beach chairs, and a close circle of friends who think a visit to your house is better than a trip to Napa because your cellar is filled with an extensive selection of reds and whites. Who needs a patio and fire pit when good friends make your backyard terroir special.